Author: ashdesignslimited

25 Awesome Language Learning Toys Toddlers will LOVE this Christmas!

1. Color & Shape Montessori Matching Box Set – Amazon

This fun set helps toddlers learn their colors and shapes as well as building their matching skills. This playset helps encourage language learning when toddlers identify the colors and shapes. This is sure to be a hit on Christmas morning!

2. Busy Books – ASH Paper Designs

You can encourage your toddler’s language learning and independent play with these great toddler busy books! These quiet book sets are great toddler activities that keep kids engaged and occupied. They also help familiarize your toddler with a variety of locations and what we do there. The best part is they are learning and strengthening their fine motor skills while giving you a little peace and quiet!

3. Peekaboo Learning Farm Set – Amazon

This adorable 10 piece set includes 5 little barns that house 5 little farm animals. My son Tanner absolutely loves playing with this little set and identifying all the animals in the barns. This has helped boost his vocabulary and encourage his language learning. He loves using them while he sings Old McDonald!

4. Leap Frog 2-in-1 LeapTop Touch – Amazon

When I bought this for Tanner he played with it for over an hour straight and has been obsessed with it for weeks now! This is an amazing language learning tool that toddlers absolutely love. This can help increase their vocabularies and introduces them to using a tablet with several fun games. Trust me – this will be a GIGANTIC hit on Christmas morning!

5. Flashcards – ASH Paper Designs

Flashcards are a great tool for language learning! They encourage speech development and photo memory, and they’re TONS of fun! They are such a HUGE tool for Tanner with his behavioral and speech therapy. He LOVES his flashcards and always gets a little jealous when mommy sends a set to someone else haha. They are available as digital downloads and fully assembled laminated cardstock!

6. Interactive Alphabet Wall Chart for Toddlers – Amazon

This great tool helps kids learn their alphabet and can also help boost kiddos vocabularies. This particular brand has several variations including 100 words, dinosaurs and counting! Learning the alphabet and it’s sounds is a crucial foundation to get your kiddos ready for Kindergarten!

7. Learning Resources Sorting Surprise Picnic Baskets – Amazon

This fun set encourages language learning and counting skills. Toddlers will also build their fine motor and sorting skills when they’re playing with this set. Each picnic basket includes a matching treat. These little surprises are small so it’s recommended for children 3 years and older. This will keep toddlers busy for a while!

8. Talking Flashcard Toy Set – Amazon

This set is a lot of fun and very educational. There are 192 double sided cards for a total of 384 sight words. This can help greatly increase a toddler’s vocabulary and encourage their language learning. Tanner loves playing with this set and has picked up several words from it! I love that it helps him pronounce the words properly.

9. VTech Touch & Learn Activity Desk – Amazon

This is another one of Tanner’s favorites! It teaches over 100 vocabulary words and has more than 20 songs and more than 20 activities included! This desk is such a fun way to encourage language learning with any toddler! There are additional mats you can get for the desk including body parts, shapes and colors, musical instruments and more!

10. Amazon Fire Tablet for Kids – Amazon

I waited until he was 3 to let him have one, but Tanner is hooked. Listen, I know screen time is a concern for all of us, but I also see the benefits in letting him play with his tablet. The great thing about these is that they come with a year of Amazon Kids which includes tons of learning apps and kids shows. The parental controls are fantastic with an easy setting to limit screen time according to your schedule. Plus they’re usually pretty inexpensive around Christmas time!

11. Fisher-Price Little People Big Animal Train Toy – Amazon

I am a HUGE fan of the Little People line from Fisher-Price! Tanner loves them and seems to really explore his pretend play with these toys which is a BIG thing for him! This set includes a large train and several animals along with a conductor. I love that these pieces will mix and match with the other sets he has as well. Identifying the animals and playing with this in general will encourage language learning and pretend play!

12. Melissa & Doug See & Spell Wooden Educational Toy – Amazon

This is a great toy for older toddlers that helps teach them how to spell basic sight words. Each card includes a picture and places to lay the letters to spell it out. The boxed set includes 8 double-sided spelling boards and 64 letters. This set helps encourage language learning and helps get older toddlers ready for Kindergarten!

13. Morning Boards – ASH Paper Designs

Morning boards are a great way to teach younger kids about the days of the week, temperature, mood and weather! They are also good to keep older kids on task and organized. These are also great for homeschoolers! Kids calendars are a great teaching tool for ages 3 to 6 (for the most part). These are available as digital downloads and fully assembled laminated cardstock versions!

14. Number and Alphabet Flashcards – Amazon

This great set is part flashcards and part puzzle! There are 26 letter cards and 10 number cards along with the corresponding wooden pieces to match. It also has calculating signs to start working on simple math problems! This is sure to encourage language learning and a BIG hit on Christmas morning!

15. Wooden Number Puzzles for Toddlers – Amazon

This set covers so many educational bases and it’s SO much fun for toddlers! Counting to 10 and sorting shapes is just the start with this. This toy helps promote language learning and counting skills. Identifying the shapes included is also a great skills for toddlers to practice. This is another one that is sure to occupy them for a while!

16. Handwriting Practice Book for Kids – Amazon

This set is amazing for handwriting practice and language learning! This helps teach kids how to write their alphabet and numbers 1-10 and is dry erase so the learning is endless! Since it does come with dry erase markers it’s recommended for older toddlers and kindergartners to use.

17. Learning Resources Counting Surprise Party – Amazon

This is another great sorting toy that also does double duty on the learning side! It encourages fine motor skills and language learning with it’s little surprises inside the presents. It has 10 presents that each hide a surprise! This helps with counting and vocabulary also. It’s another with smaller pieces so it’s recommended for kids 3 years and older.

18. Leap Frog My First Learning Tablet – Amazon

This was a big favorite for Tanner when he was a little younger! He got it for Christmas last year and it was his first little tablet like this. He was in love and it really helped increase his vocabulary and teach him different sounds. I highly recommend this for the 18 -24 month crowd for Christmas!

19. Montessori Wooden Tracing Boards – Amazon

These boards are a great option for writing practice without the mess which means they’re great to get all toddlers writing. I worry about my son with markers unattended, so these are perfect and I don’t have to hover! Since they’re wooden you can take them anywhere and they’ll last a very long time! Also a great option for road trips!

20. Montessori 13 in 1 Wooden Shape Sorting & Stacking Toy – Amazon

This toy packs a PUNCH! There are so many different activities included that your toddler will be busy for quite a while! There are small parts so again it’s for ages 3 years and older. This set encourages language learning as toddlers identify shapes, colors and numbers. Fine motor skills are also put to the test with this one! Such a great educational toy that any toddler will be thrilled to get on Christmas morning!

21. Melissa & Doug 4 in 1 Wooden Jigsaw Puzzle sets – Amazon

These sets are so great for your toddler that’s ready to move on to jigsaw puzzles. Tanner started working on those shortly before he turned 3. I introduced wooden peg puzzles pretty early and he has always loved them! Melissa & Doug have several different themes available and Tanner has a few wrapped under the tree. He’s going to be so excited!!

22. Wooden Shape Color Sorting Clock – Amazon

I got this for Tanner along with several other right before he started in-home behavioral therapy when he was two and a half. I was drawn to it because it would last for a while as he learns his shapes and numbers and as he advances to learn time and how the clock works. Not only does it encourage language learning, but it also promotes fine motor skills with the lacing feature on the numbered shapes. Toddlers of all ages will love this one!

23. Wooden Peg Puzzles for Toddlers – Amazon

We LOVE puzzles in our house! I introduced these to Tanner shortly after he turned 1 and he was hooked pretty instantly. He’s tall so at that point he was standing at the coffee table all the time playing and it felt like a good time to start. We started with him wanting me to say the name of each piece as he pulled them out, then he advanced to putting them back in and now he’s an expert. These have provided a huge base vocabulary with him and definitely taught him his alphabet! There are tons of options out there, but these are by far his favorite lately.

24. The Learning Journey: Match it – Spelling Puzzles

This is such a fun activity to combine matching skills with language learning. Older toddlers will absolutely love these! They encourage fine motor and cognitive skills with the jigsaw puzzles and matching features. This will be a big hit with Tanner on Christmas morning!

25. Balance Math Game – Amazon

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I LOVE toys that cover multiple developmental skills. They are so important for my son in his therapies and he also loves the stimulation! This game covers counting, math and language learning all in one. Toddlers won’t have any idea they’re learning while they’re having fun, but you will!

25 Amazing Books for Toddlers this Christmas

Over the next several weeks I’m going to highlight some of the top gifts to get all the people on your shopping list this year. If you’re like me there’s certain people on your lists that you struggle to find the perfect gift for. Make sure you subscribe to the blog to get alerted when all the lists pop up! First up we are looking at 25 Amazing Books that encourage language learning in Toddlers!

1. 199 Things on the Farm – Usborne Books

This fantastic book contains pictures and titles of 199 different items found on a farm. Books like this can help increase a toddlers vocabulary and encourage their pointing and identification skills. With 199 different items to learn and identify, this book will keep them busy for awhile!

2. Count to 100 – Usborne Books

This amazing books is one of my son’s favorites! It was illustrated by the Greek Illustrator Sophia Toulliatou and it is simply incredible! My son loves to flip through this book over and over again. Toddlers don’t even realize they’re improving their counting skills because they’re having so much fun looking at this amazing book!

3. My First 100 Series – Amazon

This great series features several different books highlighting 100 objects toddlers can learn. They feature realistic images instead of drawings and help build toddler’s vocabulary as well as encourage their language learning. They feature objects around me, food I eat, animals and more. All of the titles are great additions to any toddler’s library.

4. LeapFrog Learning Friends 100 Words Electronic Book – Amazon

This is another book that has several variations of 100 words for toddler learning. We have the original, animals, and things that go versions and my son absolutely loves them! They are electronic and not only give toddlers the correct pronunciation but also noises and fun facts about the item or animal! All of the variations make would make a great gift for younger toddlers learning to talk!

5. Eric Carle Around the Farm 30 Button Animal Sounds Book – Amazon

This electronic book, created and illustrated by famed Children’s author Eric Carle, features 30 different animals sounds from Around the Farm. Books like this encourage language learning and increased vocabulary in toddlers. This book will be a big hit on Christmas Morning!

6. Richard Scarry Collection – Amazon

Richard Scarry books were my absolute favorite books when I was growing up! The illustrations are so much fun and help encourage your toddler’s language learning and imagination. Amazon features dozens of different titles by Richard Scarry for your toddlers as well as lots of titles for your early readers. The Best Word Book Ever is a great book to start your toddler’s Richard Scarry library!

7. Sing the Alphabet, ABC Learning for Toddlers – Amazon

This award winning book is a great tool for toddlers learning the alphabet. The colorful artwork and alphabet song make this a super fun way for your toddler to learn! Play based learning is incredibly beneficial for toddlers and this book really helps with that! There are several different themes available on Amazon.

8. Farm Sounds – Usborne Books

We absolutely LOVE this book in our house! My son has a great time making the animal sounds like the book does. The illustration is fantastic and makes learning about the farm even more fun! Usborne offers several different sound books including animal sounds, night sounds, and music books. Toddlers will go crazy for these on Christmas morning and throughout the year!

9. Fingertrail ABC – Usborne Books

This book features amazing illustrations and super fun fingertrails to help toddlers learn their Alphabet and start practicing to write it. My son loves reading this book on repeat as he says his alphabet and increases his vocabulary with the coordinating illustrations for each letter. You can get the Big letter alphabet, lowercase alphabet and numbers 1-10. They all make great gifts for any toddler!

10. Red Red Red – Usborne Books/Kane Miller

This amazing book from Kane Miller is wonderful for helping toddlers understand their emotions (specifically anger). This helped my son learn to count to 10 as he was learning to talk. The relatable story about a little boy who’s hangry is definitely a favorite in our house! Toddlers have a lot of emotions but don’t know how to handle any of them. This book helps toddlers develop a routine to count through their feelings and take a deep breath.

11. The Big Book of Nursery Rhymes – Usborne Books

This book features more amazing illustrations from Sophia Touliatou. There are over a dozen classic nursery ryhmes including Twinkle Twinkle, Humpty Dumpty, Baa Baa Black Sheep, and many more! This book can help encourage language learning and vocabulary, as well as your toddler’s singing skills. We absolutely adore this book and it’s incredible illustrations!

12. 8 Little Planets – Amazon

This adorable little board book introduces toddlers to our solar system with a look at 8 little planets! The graphics are so cute and encourages toddler’s to use their imagination while learning about the solar system. Lizzy Doyle illustrates the written work of award-winning physicist Chris Ferrie. This book retails for around $5 on Amazon and is a GREAT gift for any toddlers this Christmas!

13. Big Book of ABC – Usborne Books

This is another fantastic book illustrated by Sophia Touliatou where the alphabet comes to life for little readers to help increase their vocabulary. My little guy loves to point out all the things I ask him to find for each letter. His language learning has dramatically improved over the last several months and this is one of our favorite books to help with that! Your toddler will love the pictures and learning all kinds of new words for each letter of the alphabet!

14. My First Book of Emotions for Toddlers – Amazon

This book is a great addition to any toddler’s library since helps teach them about their emotions! Toddlers have so many emotions and don’t really know how to handle them so they act out. Helping them learn what their emotions mean is the first step in helping them learn how to control them. This book helps encourage emotional intelligence and coping skills. Teaching toddlers to control their emotions is also great for parents since it will help cut down on the frustration on both sides. This amazing book is available on Amazon for quick shipping!

15. Interactive Dinosaur Sound Book with Toys – Amazon

This book is so much fun for any toddler who loves dinosaurs! It includes sounds and interesting facts about 12 different dinosaurs. The extra special part is that it actually comes with the 12 dinosaurs for your little one to play with while they read their book and learn about the different dinosaurs! Toddlers will get a kick out of all the roars and have a blast playing with the dinosaur figures. My guy has struggled with pretend play, but this set really helps him explore that side of his creativity. This is sure to be a BIG hit on Christmas morning!!

16. The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions – Amazon

This is another great book to teach your toddler about their emotions as well as helping them learn their colors. When a color is attached to a specific emotion it can help toddlers associate and cope with that particular emotion. By now you can tell that I think it’s critically important to teach toddlers about their emotions not only for the emotional intelligence they will gain, but also to teach them coping skills they can build on as they grow older and experience more complex emotions.

17. The Big Book of Numbers – Usborne Books

This is the last book in the series illustrated by Sophia Touliatou. It not only presents numbers 1-10 with amazing illustrations, but also provides interesting facts about all the numbers, even numbers outside the basic 1-10 range. The fantastic pictures keep toddlers engaged while they increase their language learning and counting skills. When the book is this pretty and super interesting, learning is fun and kids can’t wait to dive in to the pages!

18. Aesop’s Stories for Little Children – Usborne Books

This collection of classic Aesop stories is a MUST have for any toddler’s growing library! These classic fables have been told for generations and the amazing illustrations in this book help bring them to life. Books like this help encourage your toddler’s language learning as well as jump start their imagination. The lessons taught in these fables are also very important life lessons that all children should still be learning!

19. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom – Amazon

This is an absolute favorite in our house! At the end of most of my son’s therapy sessions they have me come out and do a couple things with him they call “Parent Training”. I held up this book and asked what’s this, looking for him to say book, but instead he shouted out “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” lol. He loves reading his alphabet and seeing the letters being so silly climbing up the coconut tree! This book helps literacy and encourages language learning in all toddlers. Amazon has this book at a VERY inexpensive price. It’s a MUST for EVERY toddler’s library!

20. Dr. Seuss’s Beginner Book Collection – Amazon

This amazing 5 book set features the classic Dr Seuss books Green Eggs and Ham, Hop on Pop, One Fish Two Fish, Fox in Socks, and Cat in the Hat. These books help encourage reading and comprehension skills and they are super fun for kids since they’re so silly! Language learning will come easy for your toddler’s when you start them off right with these great books! This collection not only makes a great Christmas gift, but it’s also perfect for birthdays and baby showers.

21. Where’s Bluey?: A Search and Find Book – Amazon

If your toddler is anything like mine they LOVE Bluey! Who am I kidding – I LOVE Bluey too! This great search and find book helps toddlers learn how to spot objects in a picture and point them out. My son has struggled with this skill and books like this have really helped his pointing and identification skills. There are several fun Bluey books available on Amazon including Grannies, which is my favorite episode so far!

22. Stomp, Wiggle, Clap, and Tap: My First Book of Dance – Amazon

This book is so great for teaching your toddlers to move their bodies! It doesn’t always come natural and this book really helps get them moving and understanding some of the amazing things our body can do. It can help with coordination, body and space awareness, and movement control as they read along with the story and move when the book tells them to! It’s a great way to harness and focus some of their energy while they learn about their body function.

23. 1001 Animals to Spot – Usborne Books

This book is amazing because it features 1001 animals to spot all organized by the habitat that they’re found in normally. There are over a dozen different 1001 to Spot titles with all different themes. Some are more difficult than others and this one is best for 3+. Usborne Books offers all of these books are a very reasonable price which makes it a perfect Christmas gift for lots of kids on your list!

24. All the Words You Need to Know Before You Start School – Usborne Books

This book is awesome for older toddlers as they get ready to start school! It helps encourage language learning and helps toddlers increase their vocabularies. The book features over 400 words with amazing illustrations to help toddlers learn the words and items they’ll need to communicate at school. Not only can this book help with a toddler’s language development, but it will also help their self confidence when they start school because they’ll be much more familiar with what they find in their own classrooms!

25. The Backyard Bug Book for Kids – Amazon

If you have a toddler that LOVES to find different bugs in the backyard then this is the book for them! With colorful photos and interesting facts about all the bugs, this book is a MUST for your little explorer’s library. This book helps encourage learning about and exploring the world around your toddler. Pair this with a little bug catcher and container and you’ll have a HUGE HIT on Christmas morning!

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5 Great Toddler Learning activities that kids LOVE!

If you have a toddler you’re probably like me – always searching for great learning activities that they’ll actually enjoy! There are so many classic toys and games that promote learning, but are still super fun for your little one! Here’s a few great toddler learning activities that promote all areas of their development and provide hours of fun and entertainment.

1. Flashcards – Toddler learning basics

Flashcards are a great way to boost your toddlers language learning and help increase their vocabularies. They can also help increase your toddlers understanding and comprehension of the world all around them. Memory and cognitive development are also benefitted from playing with flashcards. My son absolutely loves his flashcards and they have GREATLY increased his vocabulary and comprehension. Plus you can get them in adorable themes!

2. Puzzles – A classic learning tool

Classic wooden puzzles are an oldy and a goody! Like flashcards they can help increase your toddlers vocabulary and comprehension. They can also encourage fine motor development as they teach little hands to line the pieces up correctly. Puzzles are also a great way to help encourage your toddlers problem solving skills and their memory matching talents! Tanner has TONS of puzzles and they use them every day in his behavioral therapy sessions. These great puzzles are some of his favorites!!

3. Books – A whole new world…

Books are a favorite in my house! Introducing books at a VERY early age is SO important for little brains! For toddlers, books help increase their comprehension and encourage them to use their imagination. There are so many great books out there that help encourage different areas of development for your toddler. Some of my favorite books for Tanner are from Usborne Books and More. I look for books that have lots of different objects and colors in them so we can practice his vocabulary. The Book of Colors is my ULTIMATE favorite right now! Not only has it taught him his colors, but each color showcases dozens of different objects in that color which has increased his vocabulary GREATLY!

4. Fine Motor Toys – Training little fingers through play

There are SO many great fine motor toys on the market today! These toys are incredibly important tools for toddler development. Toys that require toddlers to use their fine motor skills help build hand-eye coordination. Problem solving skills are also put to the test with these great toys. I have stocked Tanner’s toy box full of some amazing fine motor toys that he uses all the time both in his therapy sessions and just playing during the day. These are some of our favorites!

5. Toddler Busy Books – Mom’s best friend

Busy books combine all the areas of development in one amazing toy that toddlers love and moms appreciate. Busy books help with the development of fine motor skills, problem solving skills and overall speech. They also encourage memory matching and pretend play. Busy boards help familiarize toddlers with a variety of locations and what we do there. As the name implies, they also keep your toddler busy and engaged!

Finding the rainbow after weathering dark storms – Miracles happen

You are probably asking yourself “what is The Story of ASH”? Well to start, I’m ASH – Amanda Stoddart Hinkle.  I am a married mother of the most amazing rainbow baby Tanner Brock Hinkle.  He is the best pot of gold at the end of a rainbow I could have ever dreamed of.  Now you may be asking yourself “what’s a rainbow baby”? A rainbow baby is a baby that is born after the storm of miscarriage.  Tanner is my lucky number 7, born after 6 consecutive losses and this is our story.  

Some backstory…

So I suppose I should give you the backstory on how I ended up here, writing this blog.  I was born in 1979 and adopted at birth.  My parents had 2 biological children and had been trying to adopt for several years.  At that time it was DIFFICULT to adopt if you already had kids.  I don’t think they had lost all hope, but it was looking bleak. One day my birth mother (who worked at the same company as my Dad) walked into his office looking for advice on placing her unborn baby for adoption (he wasn’t practicing yet, but had passed the bar and was an attorney).  I guess you can say the rest is history. 

Being adopted in 1979 typically meant a closed adoption and lots of searching when you’re old enough. Luckily for me my parents had an open adoption and I was able to meet my birth mother when I was younger and I have a great relationship with her now. As I write this I’m preparing for a quick trip to Phoenix to see her in just a couple of weeks.  

Shaping my Story

Being adopted definitely shaped who I am today.  Every situation and circumstance I have encountered and endured has contributed to creating who I am today. My adoption story was unique since I grew up with a father who (after suffering a massive heart attack when I was 3) opened his own law office and specialized in adoptions. I don’t know the exact number, but I know he’s had a hand in thousands of adoptions. We used to talk about birth parents and relinquishment of rights at the dinner table every night.  Adoption was a beautiful thing that came from a place of love. 

As an adult I have come across lots of adult adoptees that don’t have positive feelings about their adoption, but mine was a picture perfect story for me when I was growing up.  However, there is still a great loss that comes with adoption.  I started my life with a major loss and have continued to suffer loss as the years have continued on.  But, like all of the other experiences in my life have shaped me, so has the loss.  

Trying to get pregnant – A rocky road

The last 8 years have been a bit of blur for us as a family.  My husband and I started our TTC journey when we had been married about 8 months.  The day before my 35th birthday.  I had always sort of thought I would have a little trouble getting pregnant because at that time I only had a couple of cycles a year.  Tough to conceive when you aren’t ovulating! For 2 ½ years we struggled to get pregnant. I tried all of the over the counter supplements I could read up on to try to jump start the ovulation and increase our odds of conceiving. 

Not what I expected – beginning of the loss

I finally got pregnant after 2 ½ years only to lose it later that week.  Shortly after that first loss we found out that my mom’s unexplained back pain was coming from a tumor that had caused a compression fracture in her spine.  We didn’t know it then but she had less than a year left with us.  As much as I cried for my mom in the depths of my sorrow during my losses, I’m forever grateful that she didn’t have to suffer through all of the miscarriages with me.  Being a mom now I understand so much more.  I know it would have destroyed her watching her baby go through that kind of heartache and sorrow.  

I went through a bit of a rough patch with my parents in my early 20’s and I remember my Mom telling me that she laid awake at night worrying about me. At the time I’m sure I rolled my eyes and assumed it was a guilt trip.  Tanner wasn’t very old when I suddenly realized one night it wasn’t her trying to guilt me, it was just her being a mother worrying about her child.  I remember wishing that I could tell her I finally understood.  I remember wishing I could say I was sorry. 

Losing my Mom – a wound that never heals

As much of a blessing as it was that she didn’t have to watch me suffer through 6 losses, it was probably the hardest part of losing my Mom when I did. I mourned for my (hopeful) future children. I mourned the fact that they weren’t going to get to know her in person. And I most definitely grieved the relationship they were going to miss out on because she wasn’t here anymore. It’s hard to explain, and probably hard to understand, but I found myself being a little jealous of my nieces and nephews on behalf of a child that wasn’t even a reality yet.  They will always carry Grandma Linda with them and I felt jealous that my children wouldn’t have those same memories. 

Luckily my son is blessed with two amazing grandmas that love him more than words can say and he will have countless memories with both of them. He also got a great bonus Grandma when my Dad remarried a couple of years ago.  Even in the depths of loss I am always reminded of the blessings that surround me.  

Recurrent Loss – A club you never want to join.

After the first loss and no luck getting pregnant again, we chose to do a few cycles with the help of Clomid and see what happened. We started our first medicated cycle 3 days before we lost my Mom in March 2016. I found out I was pregnant with what would become our 2nd loss a few days after her service in Colorado.  I lost that pregnancy about a week later and sunk deep into my depression.  Loss can shape you. Loss can make you or it can break you. In the depth of that loss there were times I thought it would break me.  There were many times I thought there may not be a rainbow baby for us at the end.

After several weeks of grief and depression I realized I needed to focus my energy on something other than my loss.  I began crafting greeting cards.  I’ve always been a crafter. I can’t draw a straight line, but I am pretty creative and very crafty so I can take other people’s cute graphics and create something super cool.  I spent hours crafting greeting cards with the plan and hope to sell them.  Crafting became the outlet for my grief.  As long as I was busy, I didn’t have to think about it.  Because not only was I dealing with all this loss, but I was starting to ask myself if it was ever going to happen. Was I ever going to be a mother?  

My first D&C – the opposite of a rainbow

I poured myself into my crafting and life marched forward.  In January 2017 we found out that I was pregnant again.  I actually made it to my first ultrasound still pregnant and got to see the baby’s heartbeat on the screen.  My husband and I cried tears of relief in the ultrasound room that day, unfortunately we’d be back in that room too soon crying tears of sorrow.  I was about 9 weeks pregnant when I woke up in the middle of the night with bad cramps and I knew something wasn’t right.  I made it to the bathroom only to discover that I had started bleeding pretty heavily. 

Later that day I was seen in the ER and was told the baby still had a heartbeat, but that must not have lasted long because at a follow up appointment 2 weeks later the heartbeat was gone.  Based on size they think it happened shortly after that ER visit.  My body wasn’t recognizing the loss and so I chose to have a D&C to have it be over. 

Facing the harsh reality – I may not get to be a mom

We had 2 more early losses (before ultrasound) over the next year.  In September 2018 I found out I was pregnant for the 6th time. That pregnancy played out almost exactly the same as the other one I lost after 9 weeks.  I was measuring behind from the beginning, had a major bleeding incident followed by constant spotting, and to say I was stressed was an understatement.  I spent basically that entire pregnancy on the verge of a panic attack waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

It dropped the week before Thanksgiving that year when there was no heartbeat at our 12 week appointment.  I was gutted. I got up from the ultrasound table and told my husband I was done.  Everything inside me was screaming that I couldn’t experience this kind of loss again. Two days later I had to have my second D&C. I felt broken and lost.  

Chasing a rainbow…

After my first lost I became familiar with the term Rainbow Baby. I found myself dreaming about a rainbow – a baby that I was going to get to take home. There were a lot of times that I waivered and wondered if it was actually going to happen, but I just always saw a baby at the end of it. People ask me how I kept going, but the reality is I couldn’t stop. I knew there was a beautiful rainbow somewhere in my story.

Ever since I was a litter girl the only thing I have wanted to be was a mother.  I always said I wanted 10 kids! By the time I met my now husband (my second) I was in my early 30s and I was a little more realistic. I thought two or three would be perfect for our family. Our last loss was due on my 40th birthday.  As I said, I was measuring behind so they changed my due date after my first ultrasound.  She walked into my 8 week appointment with a bundle of paperwork and on the top was an info sheet.  I saw that they had changed my due date to June 2nd 2019.  It’s hard to describe the feeling, but as soon as I saw the date I knew in my gut that this wasn’t going to be our take home rainbow baby after all.  

The roughest storm can produce the most beautiful rainbow

Fast forward to March 2019 when I told my husband that depending on my cycle I thought I might want to try one last time after my 40th birthday.  We didn’t have much time to wait and I wasn’t really sure I was ready to completely close that door.  A couple days later I noticed a couple of symptoms that I only get when I’m pregnant.  My cycle was still all over the place following the loss and D&C in November so I didn’t even know where in my cycle I was.  I took a pregnancy test and low and behold I was pregnant.

The teeniest, tiniest little pink line. I had a small group of women I had connected with on Baby Center when we first started trying.  By this point I had watched all of them give birth. Some more than once.  We cheered each other on and they were the first to know about each of my pregnancies.  They were my loudest cheerleaders at times. Times I couldn’t even talk about with the people closest to me in the world. They were a giant source of my strength as I pushed through the losses. 

Lucky number 7 on the way

I took a shaky picture of that tiny little line with my wedding ring for reference and posted it to our small Facebook group.  They all cheered and cried tears of joy with me. The next day I took a “good” test and it was darker than the day before. Then a positive digital test. In the first few days I decided that I wasn’t going to stress about this pregnancy. I had done everything right the 6 times before and it didn’t change the outcome.  No amount of worry was going to make any difference. I couldn’t control what happened.  But, from the start, it was DIFFERENT.

The First Sign of Tanner

Cautiously Optimistic – A motto for pregnancy after loss

There was no bleeding, I measured on track from the start and quickly started measuring ahead, and most importantly I was relaxed.  My mother in law and I adopted the motto “cautiously optimistic”. Every milestone we passed allowed me to get a little more attached.  I had ALWAYS wanted girls, but after getting the pleasure of helping to raise two of our nieces I felt like I was ready for a boy.  I really feared that I was going to have gender disappointment. Which was so stupid and selfish given everything we went through. We chose to find out during the scan and were ecstatic to hear her say boy.

My blood pressure was high from the start and I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes around 28 weeks.  That was when I began weekly appointments since I quickly had to start taking insulin to control my fasting numbers, on top of my age and blood pressure – they were keeping a close eye. At 32 weeks I began twice weekly fetal monitoring appointments to make sure Tanner was doing okay with all my health issues.  He was a champ through all of it.  Our lucky number 7 really appeared to be our miracle rainbow baby.

Delivering a rainbow

I developed a bad headache at 37 weeks that they couldn’t get under control with meds and although my numbers were under the level for pre-eclampsia they had doubled in a week and they decided I wasn’t leaving the hospital without a baby! They induced me at 37 weeks 5 days and he was born 36 hours later. I had a pretty decent bleed when my water broke which was a very scary moment for me.  He again came through with flying colors and was the talk of the floor with his Apgar scores of 9 and 10 (apparently they RARELY give a 10 haha).  My rainbow baby had arrived safe and sound which was a miracle.

The rainbow is better than I imagined…

Being a mother is even better than I thought it would be.  He is the light of my life and I can’t remember what it was like without him.  I noticed he was falling behind with some milestones and it became painfully obvious when he failed to start talking.  By 18 months they were recommending autism evaluations and speech therapy.  I kept hoping that he would just start talking and catch up and everything would be normal. 

In March of this year he had his speech eval and the therapist said she thought he was autistic and referred us to the regional center for behavior therapy and autism evaluations.  Since then some sort of switch has been flipped because he is a different kid now.  He gets 14 hours of in-home behavioral therapy every week. His vocabulary has exploded, he is incredibly social, he’s imitating now, he’s engaging in pretend play, and all of the boxes we checked for concerning behaviors are slowly being erased.  

ASH Paper Designs – My passion project

My craft business has shifted today to focus on language learning and early childhood education tools.  Tanner loves to play with the flashcards I make him and he uses them every day in his therapy sessions.  Matching games and toddler busy books are some of his other favorites! I love creating cool educational tools and school supplies with adorable graphics I find from a number of amazing designers. I offer both digital downloads and fully assembled ready to ship products.  

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey and allowing me to tell you our story. I look forward to continuing to share our stories and our journey as a family.  I can’t wait to also share all of my tips and tricks as well as great toddler activities and preschool printables. Never stop chasing your rainbow!

ASH

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